dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
