you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
