just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
