Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
