is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
