the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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