apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
