what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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