There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
