I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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