so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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