So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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