If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
