Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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