Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is wine microwaveable?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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