I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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