Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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