He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
