like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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