so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
