dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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