Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
