I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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