I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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