Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
