I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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