You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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