I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
