i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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