Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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