I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
