I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
