Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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