Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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