I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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