My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
