Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
