feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
