Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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