I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
