I wish my penis had an off switch
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
organizing the empties. That sober.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
