Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
