omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
