Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
