i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
FUCK WHALES
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
