And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
