was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
