Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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