I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
