We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
