Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize