I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
