Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
