If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
