Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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