If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
