the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
