it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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