There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
