Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
