are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
