we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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