she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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