anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
