I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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