but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
