This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
