You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
