life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
