i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
