i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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