Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
