worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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