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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I haven't been this sober since birth.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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